You Don’t Need to Be Fixed—You Need to Come Back to You.

Let's talk about something. 

Is it just me, or do you feel like the energy in the air is incredibly negative right now?

For a long time, I felt like something was wrong with me.

I was always tired. Quick to get mad. Always feeling off.
But I kept it quiet because… that’s what we’re taught to do, right?

Then one day, it hit me:
I didn’t need to be fixed.
I just needed to feel like me again.

The world pulls us in a million directions—work, family, bills, stress.
And somewhere in all that, we lose ourselves.

But guess what?
The real you is still in there. You’re not broken. You’re just buried.

This Newsletter is a reminder to come back to that person.
The strong, calm, grounded version of you.

So I was sitting at my kitchen table yesterday, staring at a pile of college brochures for my 17-year-old, and three separate calendar notifications about who needs to be where this weekend, Birthdays this month and doc appointment for my wife. Sound familiar?

I had this moment where I thought, "Man, no wonder I feel Lost and scattered all the time!"

Here's what hit me like a ton of bricks recently: I'm not productive because I don't have clarity. I really dont have clarity, SMH.

Pretty simple, right? But it changed everything for me.

The Distraction Spiral

Look, between my 19-year-old son's not working and thinking he can just sit at hom eand pplay video games, my 17-year-old daughter's college applications and endless activities, and my 13-year-old who still needs me in ways the older ones don't... my focus gets pulled in a million directions.

But I noticed something interesting. The chaos doesn't just happen. I let it in, one distraction at a time.

I'll be helping my youngest get thur a stressful situatuion and then think about checking a work email. Next thing I know, I'm down a rabbit hole of email, social media and tasks that weren't even on my radar. Meanwhile, she's sitting there waiting for Dad to come back to planet Earth. I zone out on my kids all the time lol.

I bet you've been there too.

The Boredom-Anxiety Thing That Messes With Us

Here's something I've figured out the hard way. When I'm sitting through my daughter's college workshops (sorry, kiddo), I get bored. My mind wanders. I pull out my phone. And suddenly I'm not really there anymore.

When my son wanted advice about his future, I felt that wave of panic. "Am I qualified to guide this almost-grown human?" i dont want him to makethe mistakes i made, i dont him to go down the same path as i did. Before I knew it, I was spiraling about whether I've done enough, taught him enough, been there enough. ( sometime i just stare at him and think “what could i have down differntly.”)

Both feelings—boredom and anxiety—take me away from just being present.

My buddy Mike says he gets the same thing coaching his kid's basketball team. Either he's zoning out during the drills or freaking out about whether he's screwing up these kids for life. No middle ground!

What Ezra Klein Made Me Think About

I was listening to this podcast where Ezra Klein said something that stuck with me. He was talking about how we modern parents are always calculating if parenting is "worth it" or makes us happy enough.

He said: "It is amazing that my children get to experience life. Not because it makes my life better in every respect... but because their lives are precious things."

Man, that hit home. When my son was learning to drive when he was 16 I was a nervous wreck in the passenger seat, it wasn't about me. It was about him getting to experience life. (he still doesnt know how to drive)

Sometimes I think we dads especially get caught up in what parenting gives back to us. But there's something powerful about just saying, "I'm here to help these kids experience their lives, not to get something out of it."

A Quick Journal Thing That Actually Helps

So I started this super simple practice. Nothing fancy.

Before bed, I grab my phone and write down: "Where did I lose clarity today? Where did I find it?"

Last night I wrote: "Lost it during a conversationwhen I was thinking about tomorrow's work day instead of listening to my daughter's story. Found it when I put my phone away and my son help me clean up the back yard."

Try it tonight. Takes literally 3 minutes.

Two Tricks That Are Working For Me

First: Fix Your Posture, Fix Your Thinking

This sounds weird, but it works. When I catch myself slouching and looking down at my phone while my kid is talking, I straighten up, pull my shoulders back, and look at them. Now they see and feel that I am present.

Not only do they notice the difference, but I actually think differently. Some research shows your posture actually changes your confidence in your own thoughts. Pretty wild, right?

Second: The Friend Test

I was beating myself up the other day because I missed my daughter's birthday morning for a work thing. The voice in my head was brutal: "Great job, dad of the year. Missing the important stuff as usual."

Then I thought: would I ever say that to another dad if he missed a birthday, game, or workshop? No way! I'd say, "Hey, you're working hard to provide for your family. You'll catch the next one."

So why am I such a jerk to myself?

Now I use what I call “The Friend Test”. If I wouldn't say it to a friend who's a dad, I don't say it to myself.

Bottom Line

When you're clear on what matters—I mean really matters—parenting becomes less of a chaotic mess and more like a video game with challenges you actually want to tackle.

You'll still get bored at your kids’ school workshops, and running around with a group of their friends to run errands. You'll still panic when your teen takes the car alone for the first time, or when they leave the state for the first time. But you'll catch yourself quicker and come back to what matters.

For me, clarity comes down to remembering that my kids' lives are their own. My job isn't to make them fit my vision or to get some return on my investment. It's to help them navigate their own path, guide them—even when that path drives me up a wall crazy sometimes.

What about you? What helps you find clarity as a dad, mom, parent?

Hit reply and let me know—I could use some more tricks in my arsenal!

Catch you next week, Marc

P.S. My 13-year-old wont let me do any TikTok dances with her. Yup, im that dad lol.