I just started learning to code—and let me tell you, it’s humbling. Nothing like staring at a blinking cursor, completely lost, to remind you how much you don’t know. But funny enough, it feels a lot like parenting. I’m new to this tech world, just like I once was to fatherhood—green, overwhelmed, and figuring it out one mistake at a time. Both demand patience. Both teach you by testing you. And neither one comes with an instruction manual. But here's what I know: showing up, even when you feel like you’re drowning, is half the win.

Learning Code, Parenting Hard Lessons, and Not Playing Games

Man, what a week. I'm sitting here reflecting on some stuff that went down, and I figured I'd share it with you because, well, maybe you can relate to some of this parenting chaos.

So two things happened this week that really got me thinking about learning, growth, and standing your ground as a dad.

I Started Learning to Code (And My Assumptions Were Dead Wrong)

First off, I did something I never thought I'd do - I started learning to code. HTML, CSS, teaching myself the basics, and taking a JavaScript course.

You want to know what I thought about coding before this week? That you HAD TO BE A GENIUS to learn it. Like some kind of computer wizard with a massive brain and zero social skills.

Turns out I was completely wrong.

Don't get me wrong - it's challenging. But it's not this impossible mountain I made it out to be in my head. It's actually pretty logical once you start breaking it down piece by piece.

Got me thinking about all the other things I've assumed were "too hard" or "not for me" without ever actually trying. How many opportunities have I missed because I decided I wasn't smart enough before I even started?

Makes you wonder what your kids might be telling themselves they can't do, right?

The Paving Stone Incident (Or: When Your 19-Year-Old Tests You)

But then there's the flip side of learning and growth. My 19-year-old son has been out of school for 2 years now. He spends his days in his room playing video games, sleeping until 1 PM, and claiming he's "looking for a job" but not much is happening.

This past week, I went to Home Depot to pick up some paving stones. If you've ever lifted paving stones, you know how heavy those things are. On the way home, I called him twice and texted him when I pulled into the driveway. No show.

His sister comes downstairs to help without being asked, but I told her no - I called your brother. "Go upstairs and tell him if he's not down here in 5 minutes, his ass is mine."

She goes up, comes back, and says "he's not moving."

OK.

So I made 15 trips from my car to the backyard, carrying each paving stone one by one. Mind you, I did this to give him time to get downstairs - I could have easily carried more than one at a time. I finish the job, and still no show.

I walk upstairs, very annoyed. As I'm opening the door, he's NOW coming out of his room.

When I say I flipped out, that's an understatement. I ripped this kid a new one. Seriously.

Then this kid proceeds to go tell his mom on me like she was going to do something. Which annoyed me even more, and the whole thing went left. He started being disrespectful, and I got in his face.

I think the last thing I said was: "If you want to be big and bad, that's cool. You're just not going to do it in my house, so you can pack your shit and go."

Obviously, that's not what happened. Mom took him out of the house for a couple hours, and when he came back, we had a long talk.

I apologized for being too aggressive, but I told him he had earned it because of his attitude. He understood. He apologized. Everything was good.

The following day, he ended up going to the DMV to get his ID and really started looking for a job instead of bullshitting me and his mom.

Sometimes You Have to Draw the Line

Look, I'm not proud of losing my temper like that. But sometimes as a dad, you have to draw a line in the sand. This kid is 19 years old, living rent-free in my house, and can't be bothered to help when I'm literally breaking my back carrying stones in the driveway.

There's a difference between supporting your kids and enabling them. I was starting to enable, and that wasn't helping anyone.

The conversation we had afterward was probably more important than the blowup itself. We talked about respect, responsibility, and what it means to be part of a family. Sometimes those conversations only happen after things blow up.

The Baby Mama Drama (And Why I'm Not Playing Games Anymore)

On another note, it's been 2 weeks since I've seen my youngest daughter. I said some very mean things to her mother in a text, and her mother - being the child that she is - showed the text to my daughter. Clearly, her intention was to get my daughter mad at me, which she is.

But I'm not playing her mother's game anymore.

I told my daughter when she's ready to talk, I'm here. She can call me. But I'm not chasing her or her mom so her mom can have the satisfaction of telling me "no, you're not coming to my house" or manipulating my daughter into doing the same.

This has been my baby mother's play since my daughter was born - use her against me every time I piss her off.

I say that certain people do not deserve to be parents. She is one of them for sure.

What I'm Learning About Standing Your Ground

Here's what these two situations taught me this week:

With my son: Sometimes you have to be the bad guy first before you can have the real conversation. That blowup wasn't ideal, but it got his attention in a way that months of gentle suggestions hadn't.

With my daughter's situation: Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is refuse to play the game. I could chase and beg and give her mom exactly what she wants - drama and control. Or I can be consistent, available, and patient while my daughter figures out that her mom is using her as a weapon.

Both situations require different approaches, but they both require me to stand firm on my principles.

The Learning Never Stops

Whether it's learning JavaScript, learning how to parent a young adult who's testing boundaries, or learning how to navigate toxic co-parenting situations, the learning never stops.

I used to think I wasn't smart enough to code. Turns out I just needed to start.

I used to think being a "good dad" meant avoiding conflict at all costs. Turns out sometimes being a good dad means having the hard conversations, even if they start with you losing your temper.

I used to think I had to play along with manipulative games to see my daughter. Turns out the most powerful thing I can do is refuse to play.

Life keeps teaching us, if we're willing to listen.

What About You?

What have you learned about yourself as a parent this week? What assumptions are you carrying around that might be holding you back? What lines do you need to draw with your kids or your co-parenting situation?

Hit reply and let me know. We're all figuring this out as we go.

Talk soon, Marc

P.S. My son actually thanked me yesterday for pushing him to get his act together. Sometimes being the "mean dad" in the moment leads to being the "dad who cared enough to hold me accountable" in the long run.

Learning isn't just about new skills like coding - it's about learning to be the parent your kids need, even when it's uncomfortable. Sometimes growth happens after conflict, not despite it.