Dad Identity Crisis: Rethinking Fatherhood in 2025

Hey friend,

Let’s talk about something a lot of guys aren’t saying out loud, but definitely feel behind the eyes:

Not the sitcom dad.
Not the silent, stoic dad from the 90s.
Not the Instagram-perfect, matching-outfits dad.
Not even the “cool dad” from the Jeep commercial.

The truth?
Most men I know are quietly having an identity crisis.

Because being a dad today doesn’t come with a clear script.
The old models don’t fit.
The new ones are still being written.
And most of us are stuck trying to figure out how to be emotionally available… while still paying for everything… while also staying “manly”… without becoming a walking self-help podcast.

It’s confusing as hell.

So in this issue, I want to break down the modern Dad Identity Crisis—and how we start rewriting the role in a way that actually works for us and our kids.

Let’s go

The Old Script is Broken (But No One Gave You a New One)

For generations, fatherhood was a role with clear bullet points:

• Provide

• Protect

• Discipline

• Stay emotionally distant

• Fix things around the house

• Don’t talk too much

And if you ticked those boxes, congrats—you were a “good dad.”
Even if your kids barely knew you.
Even if your marriage was quietly imploding.
Even if you were miserable inside.

The problem is, that model doesn’t work anymore.
And deep down, we know it.

We want more.
To be present. To connect. To show up not just as providers, but as people.
But no one really taught us how.

So now we’re in this weird middle space—half in, half out—trying to play two roles at once:

Old-school man vs. Modern, emotionally fluent father.

Fatherhood Is Identity Work Now

Here’s what no one tells you:

And most of us weren’t prepared for how much identity work fatherhood demands.

You don’t just teach your kid.
You confront your own childhood.
You see the gaps in how you were raised.
You realize how many “rules” you’ve been following that don’t serve you—or anyone else.

You start asking:

• Why do I think crying is weak?

• Why do I feel guilty if I take a day for myself?

• Why do I feel like a failure if I’m not constantly working?

• Who am I outside of being a dad or a paycheck?

These aren’t small questions.
They’re tectonic shifts.
And most of us go through them alone, silently, hoping no one notices the cracks.

The Invisible Pressure No One Talks About

Modern dads are supposed to be:

• Emotionally intelligent

• Financially secure

• Physically fit

• Creatively fulfilled

• Fully present

• And somehow still funny, helpful, and unbothered

Basically: a monk with a 401(k) and a six-pack.

It’s no wonder so many men feel like they’re failing—even when they’re doing more than any generation before them.

Yeah, but it’s still a lot.
And pretending it’s not doesn’t help anybody.

Rebuilding the Role (Without Losing Yourself)

So where do we go from here?

You don’t need a TikTok therapist to tell you this:
Being a great dad in 2025 is less about “having the answers” and more about willingness.

Willingness to:

• Unlearn things that no longer serve you

• Ask for help without shame

• Say what you need instead of stuffing it down

• Show up consistently, even when you're not perfect

• Create space for your kids to feel safe being themselves—and learning what that looks like by watching you do it first

Being a modern dad isn’t about being soft.
It’s about being strong enough to evolve—while your kid watches you do it in real time.

That’s how you model resilience.
Not by being bulletproof.
By showing them how you handle the hard stuff with heart.

Your Kids Aren’t the Only Ones Growing

Quick story:

I know a dad who thought being present meant scheduling one hour of “focused playtime” every day.

He hated it. It felt fake. He couldn’t relax.
He thought he was a bad dad because he didn’t love Lego sets or tea parties.

Then one day, he invited his daughter to help him work on a home project—just sanding some wood and painting a bench.

It clicked. She lit up. He felt at ease.

And he realized something:

Fatherhood isn’t about performing parenthood.
It’s about integration.

Final Word: You Don’t Need to Be the Hero. Just Be Real.

So yeah. The dad role is changing.
It’s messier.
It’s harder.
But it’s also more human.

You’re not just a provider.
You’re not just a protector.
You’re a person.

And when you give yourself permission to evolve, question, and get it kind of wrong along the way—you give your kid permission to be fully human too.

That’s what they’ll remember.
Not the size of the house.
Not the number of vacations.
Not whether you nailed every birthday party.

They’ll remember that you showed up as yourself.
Flawed. Honest. Trying.

And if that’s all they remember, you’ll have done a damn good job.

Talk soon,
Marc

P.S. If you’re a dad (or plan to be one), what’s one “rule” you’ve had to unlearn? Hit reply—I’d love to hear it.